The hellish ‘art form’ of musical theatre is to be made illegal in most Western countries, it was stated yesterday. It comes as a spate of dreadful musicals have plagued theatre goers in recent years. From Ben Elton’s one man war on artisitc integrity, We Will Rock You, to the jewel in the crown of artistic horror, ‘Cats’, where grown adults dress up as felines, sing and ‘roll around a bit’ for a couple of hours in an exercise which is an assault on actor’s dignity as well as the audience’s patience.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Humans dressed as cats. Yes, this is a real thing.

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A new diet fad encouraging people to raise their heart rates slightly above average and to eat vaguely healthy meals is sweeping the nation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scientists say it may be healthier to eat vegetables rather than pancakes drizzled in syrup and lard. 

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The Pope has spoken of his admiration and respect of Glitter’s recent conduct, as an example of ‘how all of us can use strange clothing, repetitive songs, and erratic behavior, in order to distract, and ultimately attain public approval’ after what the Vatican describes as ‘unfortunate conduct with suggestively dressed minors’.

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘Glitter. He just ‘gets us’.’ Says Vatican

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The government put on a special homoerotic display of force in the capital this week, as boats loaded with heavily armed burly looking men roamed the waters of London. Sailing down the Thames with expensive looking weaponry, groups of professional psychopaths wanted to make an effort to reassure Daily Mail readers, as well as scare ‘anyone who looks foreign’, as a neurotic capital prepares to go fully hysterical about the prospect of terrorism during the Olympics.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Terrorists love attacking cities via water. Fact.

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Almost the entire male population could be suffering from the devastating disease that is sex addiction, according to shocking new figures released, which demonstrate that practically every male on the planet would probably quite like to have no strings sex with lots and lots of attractive women, if given the chance.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Enjoying this picture? Then YOU could be suffering from sex addiction. Seek help.

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Parents are to be encouraged to smack their objectionable offspring more often and with greater force, the government announced today. In plans to make life a little more bearable for the general public, the government is encouraging tired and overworked parents to be free to give their children a ‘fat lip’ or ‘thick ear’ when they run amok in public.

 

 

 

 

 

 

What’s that Rupert? A boo boo on your finger? Let’s see if repeated punching can help

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